Letters to Leanne – Agony aunt weekly. #3

I have always been someone that people have asked advice of, since an early age. I became known for my level headed outlook on life and was trusted in all manner of personal issues. I have a lot of life experience, and my honest attitude, logical way of seeing any scenario meant that over the years I have received many requests for advice through social media. Anyone who gets to know me, knows that I always give my best advice wholeheartedly and am always there to be an ear and shoulder to cry on. It has gained me many friends across the sea’s for years and I felt it was time I extended the efforts. I will post one ‘Letters to Leanne’ blog a week,  from 1 to 3 letters each time, from the many emails and messages I receive with your consent. To have advice published please contact with your problems at the form below.

Weekly agony aunt post – Need advice ? Contact me here

Dear Anon
This really is a dilemma, isn’t it?
Judging by the fact you even saw this as a huge deal, shows you truly love your best friend, and are a genuine caring person. That gives me the vibe that she is worthy of caring about and probably mutually lovely. Most girls would choose love over friends, even those of us who think they wouldn’t. 
Given so little information, I can only summarise by the vibe I get from your letter.
You need to sit down with your friend and be completely honest with her, you never know. She may be as mature as you, and understand that love is not always reciprocated, and would rather see you happy than neither of you get the happy ever after. 
A true friend will want your happiness, even if it leaves her hurt.
If this guy truly is someone who may be in your future, in a very serious way, then you need to address it all from day one with your best friend. Secrets will only destroy trust. Sneaking around will hurt her more and I get the vibe that you will not easily give this guy up, even if you say you will.
She may not be immediately thrilled, but honesty, telling her you consider not being with him for her, in time I think she will come around.
After all, she likes him, but it’s never been a relationship and doesn’t really break any girl code if you both knew you have always liked him equally. She has no more ‘right’ to him than you have.
If your friend chooses that you stay away for him, for her, then you need to evaluate just what her friendship means to you. Ask yourself, if roles were reversed… Would you let her be happy with him? If that’s a yes, then there is your answer.
Love is selfless, from both sides, love is putting aside your feelings to see someone you love happy.
If your best friend cannot get past this and lets you get the happy ever after, then you need to really look at your relationship. Some friends we outgrow, they trail away in our future paths, some friends cling on. You normally find the ones who stick around are the ones who say ‘you like him…go for it.’ and will cheer you on from the sidelines. Maybe you are not really as close as you want to be. 
You also need to evaluate if you think this guy and you could really work, be serious and is worth possibly losing someone over. It all comes down to you in the end and where you see your future heading. 
The ‘love is selfless’ thing can work both ways, and in theory, if you love her then you let him walk away. But in this, I do not feel the same applies. You would be shielding her from minor hurt, not stopping her from getting him, not shielding her from a  break up…. While she would be standing in the way of possibly being with the guy you could end up with for an eternity. A future that might hold a life, marriage, children. You need to weight this up.
If you do go down the route of being with this boy, with her blessing. Make sure you do not rub it in her face; openly be all over him, or prioritise him. 
She may go through a  phase of upset and insecurity, and how you handle it in the beginning will determine how quickly she gets used to you and him, as a couple, and move on from her crush.
If it were me, I would be honest, tell my friend, but also make it clear that he means a lot to me and I want both of them in my life. I would give her time to get used to it, keep things low key, but ultimately tell her that if she wants my happiness then she will move on from this. I am a firm believer in being fair, treating my friends with respect, but putting my needs first. True friends may get upset, but in the end will come around. I would not give her the option of keeping us apart, I own my life but I would accept there is going to be hurt and upset, and possibly a rough patch for us. I would work on making her important while my new romance blossoms.
I really hope some of this was helpful, I hope it all works out and you have both of them for a very long time.
Good luck 
Leanne xxx

Agree or disagree with my response? Have another view or opinion? Please comment below. I love nothing more than interaction with readers who may offer a wider variety of solutions to my letter writer. 


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