Lovers of my book The Carrero Effect book 1 will love this brand new alternate chapter.
This is chapter 14, part 4 re-written from Jake Carrero’s perspective as per requested by you, the lovely fans.
Please note there is swearing and sexual references and this is not suitable for those under 18 years of age.
Read at your own risk!!
The holiday- Part 4 finale ( Chapter 14, book 1)
Jake stormed to his room and kicked the door shut with a professional kick box manoeuvre, every nerve ending tingling with the need to release some pent up tension. Jake was a simple creature, he expelled his excess energy in two ways. Either through fighting, sports, other extreme physical pursuits or sex. And lately sex had been completely off the table for him, he was about to remedy that and hoped to god some of this crazy aggressive anger that had been building up for weeks would subside
He couldn’t do this shit anymore with her, his life had become one mass of up and down emotional bullshit. His head all over the place to the point he acted like he had PMS like a fucking woman on a daily basis, she drove him nuts yet he couldn’t stay away from her. He loved her yet he wished he could walk away and never see her again. He didn’t know which way was up or down but he knew one thing, he couldn’t bear the thought of firing her and starting over with a new PA so he had to sort this another way.
Hunter had been right about one thing, the lack of sex was screwing with his head, lack of dates and women in general. This wasn’t who he was, wasn’t who he wanted to be anymore. He would get his ass off this infernal boat and away from her for a few days, Hunter had already agreed he would look after her should Jake take off and he was going to screw himself back to sanity with as many women as it took. Hell, he might even go back tot the days of more than one at a time if it eased his pain in anyway.
Emma had only seen that version of him, so what difference would it make if he went back to it? she had no idea of how much he had changed his lifestyle for her, she didn’t see the lack of parties and booze, the lack of women. She only saw what he wanted her to see and lately it had been a moody fucker who was useless at his job and all over the place. No more. Jake was taking his heart back and his god damn life.
He picked up his phone from the docking station and skimmed the names until he came to one in particular, hitting call and sticking it to his ear. Every part of his gut was trying to stop this insanity but he had made his mind up and pushed down all the guilt he was feeling to the back of his mind.
‘Hello.’ The female voice that answered sounded surprised to be hearing from him after so long but he didn’t care, he had chosen her because he knew she would be up for it and available.
‘Hey Brianne, long time no see. Thought I would call and see if you were still up for partying.’ Jake said smoothly, old Casanova coming out to play effortlessly. He may have been a complete mess around Emma but with other women he had no problem at all, he knew how to play them and he had always done it well. He had zero nervousness about booty calls.
‘Of course, for you Jake I would literally drop everything.’ She purred, unable to contain her excitement and the lust fuelled husk to her tone now. Jake knew he had her right where he wanted. Brianne from the first time he had met her in a down town bar had been hot for him. Obviously so.
‘I’m heading home in a few minutes, flight back from a little trip so you could meet me at my apartment tonight, take it from there.’ He moved his phone from his ear as he hauled off his shirt to get changed, mind already making plans to get the hell out of here.
‘Definitely baby, I will be naked and waiting for you sexy. Do you want me to bring some booze?’ She giggled girlishly, doing nothing at all for his libido but he played along
‘Sure, whatever you want, I don’t plan on much sleep.’ He growled sexily and hauled on a new shirt with one hand awkwardly, trying not to picture Emma with every word out of his god damn mouth. He also couldn’t shift the feeling that right now he was a disgusting human being who had never deserved Emma in the first place and this right here proved it. He shoved the sickening lump aside and focused on Brianne
‘Sounds like my kind of party, I can’t wait to see you again, it’s been far to long Jakey baby.’ She once again purred down the line and he could almost picture her getting wet for him. Girls were too damn easy, maybe that’s why he had fallen hard for Emma. She had been the first real challenge to come along in a very long time, first woman to not drop her panties at the first smile. The first girl that had made him feel something for her that wasn’t just lust.
‘Cool, so … Laters then. I’ll be home around five I guess.’ He flipped the phone to his other shoulder as he buttoned up his shirt. Not really feeling the same thrill he used too at hooking up with someone as hot and wild as Brianne but he figured once he got home and had her naked it would all fall into place. Brianne was one of the more adventurous ex-playmates. She was up for any kind of sex and liked to be dominated roughly. Right about now Jake needed to expel a little aggression and doing it sexually was his idea of the perfect solution. He wasn’t against a little bit of rough and ready, she liked bondage too and he sure as hell had no problem with being dominant in bed.
‘Laters baby…. a lot of laters.’ She giggled sexily and then he hung up, he wasn’t much for unnecessary small talk and threw his cell on the bed as he continued to get ready.
* * *
Jake headed up on deck looking for Emma half an hour later, changed into a black fitted shirt and jeans, his usual ready to party look. With shades on and a grim expression on his face and a mood to match. He saw her lounging with Leila and called her over, pushing down the ache inside at the sight of her.
‘Emma I need you a second.’ His tone was emotionless and borderline pissed, guilt trying to push into his mood but he stuffed it back down knowing he had to stay in this frame of mind to do this. He gestured her to follow him as he turned and headed away from prying eyes, she followed obediently and he tried to ignore every part of his heart trying to soften at her mere presence.
No more of this wimpy shit Carrero.
They walked down to the lower floor of the boat, He could feel Emma behind him, tense and quiet and acting unsurely but he had to do this for his own sanity. He had to maintain this anger and mood and leave. Leave her and this stupid infatuation behind so he could go back to just working with her.
‘I’m leaving for a couple of days…I’ve left you a credit card in your room in case you want to go out, there’s a car on shore that will take you anywhere you want to go.’ his voice was flat, devoid of emotion and trying so hard to avoid looking at those wounded baby blues which could unravel him in seconds. From the corner of his eye he saw her head snap up and eyes searching his face questioningly, that punch in the gut feeling of regret but he clenched his fists in defiance and gritted his teeth against it.
‘Where are you going?.. We cleared your schedule for two weeks so you wouldn’t need to go anywhere.’ She sounded shocked, her voice slightly higher and faster than normal. He could feel the tension and fear coming from her that he was leaving her alone with these people but he knew Leila would take care of her and Hunter was back tonight and had sworn with his life to watch over her. To make sure no one else tried anything and that she had a relaxing end to the trip. He felt like an asshole to be leaving her though, he had promised he would take care of her and he was being a dickhead by not doing that. She had to know this was the best for both of them though.
‘Change of plan… Try and relax and have fun. If you can.’ He said it angrily, at himself, not her. She was looking at him more and more like she was about to cry and he just felt like punching himself in the face. Anger ripping through him at a hundred miles an hour and worsening his mood.
I’m sorry Bambino.
‘Do you need me to come?’ She replied coolly in her PA tone. It wasn’t what he wanted but it made this easier on him, closing him out. Taking the feeling out of the conversation and it just reminded him of the fact that this would always be her. She would never love him.
‘No, I don’t’ He replied coldly, fully resigned that what he was doing was right.
‘Jake you pay me to be at your beck and call and go with you at a moments notice.’ She retorted haughtily, mannerisms back and tight lift of that defiant chin. He took a moment to look at that face as a reminder that he would never cross this line again. Every part of him hurting to the point he just felt anger again.
‘I don’t pay you to watch me fuck other women, Emma.’ He snarled at her nastily, frustration making him react. Regretting it as soon as it was out of his mouth but not willing to apologise over this and show any weakness. If he wanted professionalism back then he had to make her hate him a little bit.
Emma looked shocked and a little hurt and the urge to take it all back hit him harder, only giving him more resolve to be harsher. To kill this friendship the coldest way and be done with it. He looked away from those endless sea eyes that ripped his heart from his chest and hardened his face.
‘I’m redefining the boundaries of our relationship ….. Uncrossing the line. That’s what you called it, right?’ He tossed back casually, avoiding looking at that beautiful face anymore, he couldn’t keep this up with her so close.
Don’t hate me Miele, just understand this is for the best.
‘You think going off to screw someone will uncross that line?’ Her words sounded pained, quiet and for a moment Jake doubted it all of it. Doubted her feelings and doubted his whole stupid plan. The urge to tell her he didn’t mean any of it, to turn and wrap his arms around her and beg forgiveness for being a prick. He would call Brianne in a second and cancel if he thought for one moment Emma would love him back. He turned and saw only cool PA facing him, hands clasped at her waist and a raised brow that contradicted everything.
‘It’s a start.’ He turned away in disappointment, heart hitting the floor once again into his room and pulled a case from the cupboard. He had packed a flight bag already and needed only a few clothes.
‘Got over your little break, I see.’ She sounded cold… Reminding him of admitting to a lack of sex at that charity dance.
‘I think that’s probably the reason for the latest tension…I need to go let off steam.’ He smirked icily, glad to have an excuse to cool things between them if he was being honest. He couldn’t in all honesty keep doing this to himself anymore. His body wasn’t built for long periods of celibacy and his shitty moods and fuzzy head might actually improve. She was watching him with a cool expression, poised and motionless as though observing a naughty child carrying out a punishment, that whole school miss thing going on. He tried not to look at her, he didn’t want to remember her this way anymore. Soft hair and pretty dresses, tanned and beautiful. He would see her back at work, back in tight tailoring and no nonsense mask on and take it from there.
‘Enjoy yourself.’ She turned on her heel, a slight pinched expression that only riled him more but yet didn’t leave.
‘Don’t miss me while I’m gone, Tesoro Mio.’ Jake smiled in full Casanova charm, he all but winked at her. Laying it on thick. ‘I’m sure you’ll find something exciting to do.’ He was back to focusing on packing but his voice was flat and emotionless, the cruel and harsh words had been deliberate. He was severing more than unrequited love, he was severing friendship and placing Emma back on the Employee list with everyone else at Carrero Corp, he was done.
‘When shall I expect you back Mr Carrero?’ She seemed to get with the program, returning to her business like manner and tone. His insides bristling with the change in her but accepting what he had chosen finally. This was the future for Jake and Emma. He should never have ventured down this path to feeling and emotions.
‘When I’m done…Hard to say….It’s been a while.’ He sneered without looking up. Twisting the knife to make sure that he had sealed the fate of their relationship.
He could see Emma smile his way in her fake office face, the one she used to greet business acquaintances and was distracted by his phone vibrating in his pocket. Swiping it out he saw Briannes name on the screen and hesitated.
Old Jake had openly dated in front of Emma, had openly had women in the same hotel suites and if he wanted to go back to that then he had to ignore how sick to his stomach answering this call in front of her was making him feel and get back to being that guy. He swiped it and pressed the screen..
‘Hi…. ‘ He answered without looking her way, ignoring the nerves ripping through him or the way his hand started trembling with the effort. He lacked his cocky confidence in answering because right now he felt anything but.
‘Hi baby, it’s me again… Just checking if you had left yet as I might meet you at the airport instead.’ Brianne was trying for sexy and soft and only irritated him, Emmas eyes were boring into him and making him feel about a foot tall. He cursed her internally and wished he had ignored the phone.
‘I’ll be leaving soon…..’ Jake didn’t want to have a conversation right now and he hoped his tone conveyed that to Brianne.
‘Oh… Are you in company and can’t talk? Sorry I just missed your voice, it’s beyond sexy.’ she purred irritatingly and Jake had to steel the urge to tell her to forget all of this.
‘Yeah, I missed you too, Bambino.’ He said flatly, still feeling Emmas presence burning into him like rays from the sun, he wanted to just curl up and die about now.
‘Okay well my flight gets in around four so I may hang around at the airfield for you if that’s okay?’
‘ I’ll meet you there.’ Jake said quickly and didn’t wait for her reply just hanging up quickly to stop the way his throat was trying to strangle him to death with guilt. He slid his phone back into his pocket and couldn’t look at her at all, every part of him felt like a complete shit head as though he was openly cheating on her. In his own head he was and it had the ability to stop it all if he let it.
Fuck.
‘Who?’ Emma blurted out and caused another slice to his heart, he couldn’t tell her it was the girl he used to replace her so many times when she first started working for him. Brianne was small, blonde and could have been Emma’s sister to look at but she didn’t need to know that.
‘No one you know. Old flame.’ He closed his case, throwing her a fiery look willing her to back off and not pursue this.
‘If that will be all Mr Carrero…I’ll leave you to it.’ Emma said icily cold and threw him a look that translated to nothing at all, completely deadpan. She was stiff and devoid of emotion. Sad that he had made it happen this way, pushed her to this version of her that she hadn’t been since the first week he had known her but this is who he needed to see from now on.
‘Tell the others, after I’m gone, I had to go away for a couple of days.’ He was picking up his case, his body stiff with tension and he just had to get out, he couldn’t breathe now it was getting closer to leaving her.
‘What reason shall I give?’ She was painfully polite and factual. Another nail in the coffin of his heart.
‘I don’t give a shit Emma… The truth for all I care.’ He flexed his eyebrows sardonically at her, really completely done.
Jake lifted his bags and strolled out purposely past her, not looking her way again and determined to just go and be done with it. The sooner he put distance between them then the sooner he would be able to think straight and start rationalising all of this. The sooner he could start to move on and the last time he would initiate anything non-business related with her.
He felt her follow him down the hall and willed her to not…to stay back and give his heart a chance at letting go of her, he was weakening with every step towards the back of the boat, doubts flooding in and that inner part of him that eternally wanted to protect her clawing him back. To stop, to go back and just get on his knees and beg her to forgive him for being an asshole but he couldn’t. He knew all it would take was her following him here and one sad look, one sad fucking set of baby blues his way and he would bail on all of this because like it or not he fucking loved her, and the last thing he wanted to be doing right now was leaving her for anything in the world. It took all of his strength to walk the last steps and hand his bag to the waiting crewman he had told to get the boat ready. If she came out now he was done for but she didn’t, she had retreated before he hit the open air and had probably gone back on deck. She had let him go because she had never loved him and as much as he hated himself for doing this it had never been so fucking right. She had made it clear and he loved her enough to let her fucking go.
He needed to find his own sanity again, and if he could do that between the legs of Brianne it would be a god damn start.
* * *
By the time the plane touched down in New York Jake was beyond drunk, he had hit the booze hard in the four hour flight and was at the point of seeing double. He had tried to drown his sorrows and give himself enough Dutch courage to see this through and gone way overboard. He had been consumed with her, memories of kissing her, aching to go back and just stop this bullshit.
God he missed her already.
Just being away, the miles widening had been torture for him and instead of distance giving him ability to breathe he had felt each mile choking him to near strangling. He was so fucked over this girl and out of control. Every part of him wanted to turn around and go back, he had pulled up her name on his phone a hundred times and just stared at it, stopping himself from drunk dialling her and telling her he was an asshole because he fucking loved her to death. And he did….all consuming, every single aching part of him loved her beyond anything he could ever explain. She was his world whether she wanted to be or not and he was a major idiot for letting it get this far.
He hovered over the song he had pulled from his iTunes a hundred times and thought about sending it but didn’t.
‘Apologise’ – One republic
He wanted to tell her he was sorry, he felt like the biggest asshole in the world and his heart was wrenched in two at being this way to his angel. His beautiful perfect fucking little angel.
God he was so fucking drunk.
Getting off the plane had been an ordeal, he hadn’t been this smashed in a long time and almost fell down the steps onto the runway in front of Jefferson. He casually came and helped Jake walk to the car with a silent unamused expression on his fatherly face. Jefferson knew better than to say anything, he had been there through Jakes wild years and tended to let him get whatever was eating him out of his system in any way that Jake felt neccassary. He just helped Jake get into the car and almost groaned when he saw Brianne already there and grinning his way. She really did look like Emma in a devastating way, but she wasn’t her… no one would ever compare to her even if they were fucking twins.
Fuck.
He realised the privacy panel on the limo was already up and groaned, he knew only too well what that meant and didn’t have to even look to find she was naked under her fur coat as Jefferson closed the door on them , locking him in his dark hell with a girl who was only focused on sex. Jake was seriously regretting this all over and laid his head back on the seat and just closed his eyes.
‘You smell like booze Jakey baby, did you start without me?’ She smiled and crawled over suggestively to straddle his lap as the car moved off. Jake didn’t have the energy to react. He just tried to not see Emma in his minds eye as small hands ran up his abdomen and chest and started unbuttoning his shirt. He was no stranger to sex in the back of his cars but right now he didn’t care if he never had sex again as long as she let him sleep this off. She tried to kiss him on the mouth but he turned away, she wasn’t her, she didn’t kiss like her. He wanted Emma.
‘Hmmmm, yeah….. ‘ Jake was trying to just sleep, his swimming head trying to give into the darkness, the only thing stopping him was the probing hands on his body or the small wet mouth now moving across his neck and collar bone as she exposed skin. Jake couldn’t deny his body was reacting but he also couldn’t deny the whole fucking time he was seeing and hearing Emma in his head. Closing off Brianne completely and just letting his head go any route it wanted, he was definitely getting hard with the writhing small body on top of him and his hands automatically slid up naked legs under a fur coat to find soft naked skin and curves.
He opened eyes and looked down at the blonde hair across his chest as she licked and nibbled her way down, breathing in her musky perfume and instantly hating that it wasn’t tropical or sweet. It was all wrong for how she looked.
Her body ducked lower and she started unbuttoning his pants, horny Jake starting to take control of his mind and with a visual so Emma like he couldn’t help but react. He shoved her back and helped speed the way, unbuttoning and yanking them down until he was fully exposed and ignoring her face, If he looked at her he would know it wasn’t her and he couldn’t do this. He closed his eyes again and relaxed into her mouth devouring him. Pleasure waving up his limbs and the amazing sensation of hot wet mouth on a part of him that had been severely neglected. She was good at doing this and soon had him reaching that pinnacle of release far too quickly, he came in her mouth and only for a second felt remorse at doing something so dirty to his beautiful angel, looking down and seeing Brianne licking her lips back at him. He pushed away the surge of anger and looked away from her again. So god damn conflicted.
Closing his eyes again as she let her hand bring him back for a second round, her body fully naked now she had let her coat slide down to the floor, the motion of the car only added to how quickly she was getting him turned back on.
Deciding to take matters into his own hands he shoved her off of him onto the seat. Facially she didn’t have Emma’s beauty and he didn’t want to fuck anyone else. So Jake did the only thing he could, he turned her round and pushed her hard against the seat with every intention of abusing this body until every part of his mind that wanted Emma in every way was satisfied. This is why he had chosen Brianne. From behind she was almost her and she had no boundaries in the ways she would let him fuck her, she didn’t care how rough or how many times as long as it was him. Brianne was one of those all consumed by Jake kind of women and it would serve his purpose tonight. Pushing her into the leather he got up behind her and smacked her hard across the ass. Leaving his mark with satisfaction before leaning in to wipe Emma out of his head for good.
* * *
‘Take her home.’ Jake barked at Jefferson as he got out of the car, Brianne tried to follow but he pushed her back in by the face cruelly. He had screwed her mercilessly until he came and then he had bluntly told her that she wouldn’t be coming home with him. Jake was beyond pissed at himself right about now and he needed to get the fuck away from her and out of these clothes. He felt dirty and angry and wanted to just go beat the shit out of any mother fucker who looked at him the wrong way.
Sex hadn’t done what he wanted, it had given him instant relief for the half hour car journey, he had kept her facing away and let out months of tension and frustration until she screamed. But then he had felt empty and fucked up and just hated himself more than he did already. Emma wasn’t out of his head, instead he had only made this a whole lot worse by fucking someone who could so easily be her in his memories and just added to his constant god damn torture.
He was a complete idiot for choosing Brianne….He should have gone for tall, brunette and skinny as hell.
Brianne tried to grab at his wrist as he manoeuvred away and he just glared at her coolly.
‘It was a fuck Brianne, let it go.’ He yanked his hand free and all but slammed the door in her face. Jefferson looked at him with a stern expression but he ignored him, he was still drunk enough to fly off the handle and the last person in the world he wanted to hit was him. Jefferson said nothing but went back to his door and got in. Jake stalked across the car park and towards the elevator in a rage. He was home, back at his apartment yet he didn’t want to be here anymore.
He had royally just fucked himself up more in the head. Pressing his penthouse floor code into the keypad he leant back against the elevator with a sigh. He wouldn’t stay in New York, he would go stay with Arrick in LA for a few days, and get his head straight. His brother was only young but he had wisdom that sometimes made more sense than Hunters. He knew women as well as Jake did and maybe time with his brother and no women at all was what he really needed to do. Sex had cured nothing, just made him realise until he no longer loved Emma then he would never want to have sex with another women again. She was it for him, no one would ever compare and until he stopped looking at her that way then he would forget about sex at all. Brianne was a mistake and he had never felt this much regret and guilt in his life, it was eating at him mercilessly and all he wanted to do was pass out and forget all about it, forget the last half hour and forget the one woman who relentlessly tortured his mind to near insanity.
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