Confessions of an author on her newest book…..

As the reviews for book 7 start to roll in and the feedback from fans and readers come back at me, I can heave a massive sigh of relief and admit something to you all.

Book 7 had me terrified!

Nerves are normal with every new book release, I mean it is only human. We put a little piece of ourselves in each book and it’s like then putting yourself out there to nakedly stand in public. It can be both the worst moments and the best, and I have really never got used to it. We all know, no matter what – you will get negative reviews. No matter how good your books are; in fact we prepare for them among the good. Books are subjective and not all readers will instantly like what we write. So it’s perfectly sane to be a little apprehensive when you do put a book out. I too have my fair share of ‘didn’t like’s’ on Goodreads and amazon. I see them as a right of passage to being a real writer…. I mean look at any big best seller and you will find they have hundreds of 1 star reviews.

Now this book however…those feelings, much more magnified and intense, well they started with the construction of the very first sentence. In the very tiny, little, unimportant, first few words I ever put on the page. That shiver and tingle of apprehension and morbid fear, running up my spine and I knew this book was going to be different from the rest.

I knew I was taking Carrero on a darker path, breaking the mould of what makes the Carrero men something you adore… I was pretty much tainting the name itself in a way. And that for me, with a loyal following , was the most stressful moment of my life. I had so many self doubts. It was a move I was not sure would pay off and I could ruin my fan base in one fell swoop.

The fear and stress followed me through the writing process, editing and beta reads. Despite the glowing feedback and reassurances from my team and their undying patience as I unraveled a little every day. Then when they pre-order release loomed close… I physically fell to pieces.

I spent a full day pacing, wringing my hands, obsessively checking my kindle and driving my team insane with constant PM’s and meltdowns. Diva at her best because Diva was having an emotional break and could see this book being an end to Carrero…..Yeah I can be a tad dramatic. Sophie did not just come from nowhere, you know!

My ‘dudes’ – they were great, and distracted me by posting countdown timers at me and reminders my book may kill me – thanks guys!!! Such support and understanding!

I was beyond terrified of the book going down like a lead weight and yet….this one is soaring more than the rest.

Even after release, as reviews began to trickle in, that feeling of severe anxiety stayed. I know now looking back that I had nothing to be afraid of, but I think once we become complacent that our books will do well, we stop giving our best in what we write.If that happens then we need to stop writing because we are no longer giving our readers the books they deserve. I am not a half-assed player… if I cannot give my ALL, then I wont bother doing it anymore.

I strive to always do better…my competition is not out there in the indie world. It’s sat right here at my desk everyday. I am my own bar to be measured against and that makes each book even more challenging as I set the goal posts higher with every release.

Book 7 is not tanking – I can relax…. Yes I am genuinely surprised. I am also crazily proud and cannot thank you all enough for the beautiful support.

I just felt that maybe if you are a writer out there and you are suffering from crippling self doubt about your new endeavor – you should know.

You.Are.Not.Alone!